S18: ‘Relational_Education & Values-Education’: Top 3 Critical Areas in Relationship-Spectrum (20/4/21)

Latin Maxim “Caveat Emptor” (Buyer Beware) : my Maxim “Caveat Suitor/Relator” (Lover/Marrier Beware) to prevent Love-Frauds (Love-Conversions, Elopements, Love-Scams, Love-Jihads, Love-Crusades, Love-Hindutva, Bride/Groom-Kidnappings, Fake Dowry Cases, grandparent abuse by narcs & 498Jailing etc..).

Before and after Independence of 1947 to 1987(40 years) there were Joint_families(4+Members).. 1987 to 2007(30years) there were disjointed Nuclear-Familes(3 to 4 Fmembers) now 2007 to 2027(20 years) there are Denucleated Electronic Familes. (E-FamiLIES I.e 2 people legally_married or sexually_related long term Seperated with or without Alienated-isolated Brainwashed Children).

How to move from Electronic to Atomic to Nuclear & to Molecular Families.?

Civics Education may create more interest in Civics & more Civilized Kids.

Science Education Creates more interest in Science and more Scientific Kids.

Sex-education may create more interest in sex and more Sexualized Kids. What do You think?

Relational Education (Familiality, Home-Sciences, Genders & Responsible-Sexuality) and can create better Genders-peace, Positive Familialized Kids.

For Better Families and Futures what is required more.. Social_Relational-education(Includes HealthySexuality) How to have a Family? or Sexual-education (Physical Intercourse awareness) How to have Sex.. etc..

Relational Education= SocioCulturo-Religio Group_Dynamics+ Inter_Family_Dynamics + SexualGender_Dynamics + Interpersonal_Dynamics + IntraPersonal_Dynamics.

Inter-Idealogical Relationship have incompatibilities for relational-Conflicts. Compatible-Idealogies have lower relational-risks and more marital-safety.

KeyWords/Phrases: Uneducated in Relationship-Education, Relational-Safety Gender-Sex Sensibility, Values+Morality Literacy & Marital-Literacy. Risky & Safe Marriages. Social Knowledge-gaps. Maritally-Vulnerable, Marital-Risk/Benefit, Relational/Marital-Compatibility >Sexual Compatibility, Sustainable-Matrimonials. Marital-Fraud Prevention. Relational-Fraud Prevention. Relational-Value Creation. Gender-Spectrum Reality-Check. Marital-Screening&Scrutiny 4Safety&Security. Ethical-Rational-Legal Relationships, Relational-Security & Family-Empowerment. SafeMarital Model 2022.

This is a Write-up for understanding factors of Relational Vulnerablities in the era of disruption, among the systemically weakened sections part of morally challenged systems. (Updated 4/4/21) with gendered, interpersonal & intergenerational-discords .

This sounds sophisticated!! because it attempts to talk of the phase of life, which is most complicated of all the stages; The procreative-reproductive stage. Reading this May Help one to prevent Toxic Unhealthy Relationships & help select Tonic-Healthy Relationships. It can help create Trouble-free Relations & Intergenerational Families, married life and a ‘Divorce-less India/World’.

Let’s re-try in simple terms this is an ARTicle “to understand how the (Innocent/RelationallyIlliterate) persons(family/groups) the easy-going, stand in social (personal/professional) relations with diffiCult people or entities in defective or lacking systems (Social-Educational-financial-legal..etc) so that they can move towards being aware and mature (Relationally-MaritallyLiterate)“. Here we go, made it little easier on the ear and mind for G-ders now, and trying to make the issues easier for our Collective-heart and soul when we readup and question ourselves upto the end of this page. This may save your marriage or save you from Toxic-marriages (Death Traps) please read it completely with reference links too. It’s intended to positively influence the Future Relational Structures, Quantity & Quality of Positive-Tonic Relationships.

Here proposed Is the Theory of Marital Relativity, its equation is simple ‘E= MC.C’ where E can be Positive or negative or zero..

E(+ve)=Excellence= Marital-Collaboration/Cooperation (Integrative)

& E(-ve)= Marital-Corruption/Competition (Disintegrative).- by Gulbert Prastein.2021.

See the DailyGlocalNews: Why are there increase in issues of childhood pregnancies, premarital-sexuality, Child abuse & rapes? Why Good Longterm Marriages are delayed, reduced and extramarital affairs or seperation/divorce rates are getting higher annually? Why choiced Single-parenting & increasing? Why Fertility Rates of nation dipping?, Even what are causes of troubled/ Eloped marriages and dishonor killings. Why are there Dowry Cases(Real+Fake), Domestic Violence real & False accusation cases?

Where are our traditional or modern Marito-Judicial Systems, Old Parents-Relatives & young untrained/misguided brothers, sisters & Bro-isters losing their X-ity, Sanity, rationality, morality, virginity, dignity, sovereignty, community, & Humanity. This post may help the Genderists & Racists (Feminists, Meninists & Transgenderists) to understand the full spectrum & probabilities of Gender Identities-orientations, Idea-Systems & idealogies relevant to Coupling & Families.

Is it lack of proper planned ‘sex education’, Gender Awareness and ‘family planning’ awareness or the lack of ‘Relationship education’ and ‘Life Planning’ awareness? Solutions: Could we prepare young minds about right Social-Familial intercourse & types of Character-conducts & Multilevel-Compatibility (Self, Family & Community) more before introducing them to sexual intercourse & types of protectors–condoms. Can we Create Helping-Empowering Info-systems which prevent hurting-endangering engagements, positions & configurations and aids Sustainable-Integration (Facilitating HappyGamy).

My Dear Brothers, Sisters & Bro-isters (Grp-Created to refer Non-Binary Genders) can you please answer this one GK Question?

What could be ‘one common thing’ among personalities-characters of Past (eg. Cleopatra, Alexander, Mandodari, Indira Gandhi) and present personalities like Anjelina Jolie, Modi and Mallya? Even the best minds arent immune to it.. Topping IAS or Sensex does’nt guarantee marital-success. What may help is topping IMS (Indian Marital Services) & IFS (Indian Family Service).

You will be able to connect it deeply at the end of reading this page here.

Abstract: Must Know Concepts & tough Stuffs about partnership and relationships mainly for Young People(16-30+yrs), Romantic Partners, Fiancees and also old people Parents, friends & well or hell wishers to be aware-alert about (R.Q Score: Relational/Marital Quotient) in our society!!! With 3 most important Questions. The Keys to be unlocked here is (E.O.A.R) Educate, Organise, Associate, Replicate.

The funnily illustrated Hilly(NDS) **GRP- Relations Spectrum** is the R.Q relationships (Marital & also Martial:) ) spectrum. It can help us position and predict each relationship presented here based on the number of important inputs of observations below. Happy is White, Okey is Grey & Crappy is Black

For a happy life there are thousands of choices and decisions we all make daily, , Monthly, yearly or lifely(few times in life). So What are the Top 3 right decisions areas for a successful Fulfilled life?. Here enlisted are things no one or maybe few will tell you, but one needs to know for their own & families safety and welfare. Reading this Content- post the readers can be able to differentiate between Which partnerships /marriages are made in Heaven(Happy) & which are made on earth(Okey) & which are made in hell(Crappy).

This content is intended for the relationally and socially vulnerable but may be of interest to all people wanting to know about the unclear Terms & Conditions for “a happy personal(Married or Unmarried) life!!”.

By reading, understanding and openly discussing this post the G-ders will be able to see the subtle differences which can make successful, stable, failed or risky-deadly partnerships, relationships or friendships.

This post informs & advocates the G-ders that the 3 critical decisions and choices we all make for a good life are in our 1.School-College(Eg.Brindavan) @Education, 2.Office-Workplace(Eg.Kurukshtera) @Career, 3.Home(Eg.Dwaraka) @PersonalLife

Which in another form is

1. Study (Formal-informal)(Qualifications),

2. Work(Job-Organization) &

3. Familial-Relations, in short(C.E.O.A)

0. Conceptional (-0-9 months of Conceiving & pregnancy) Pre-Natal & Neo-natal & Natal Parameters.

(1.Education(1-14+yrs(min avg),

2.Occupation(14-18yrs onwardsMin avg),

3. Association+Procreation(optional some Prefer No-marraige or to be Childfree) (18+Girls,21+Boys legal indians).

(For ease of remembrance we may link it to Childhood(Learn), Youthood(Earn), Adulthood(Spawn), Seniorhood(Inward-turn) & finally Elderhood(100yrs Optimistic)(In–urn), in Indian philosophy relatable to Garbha-Balya(0-Puberty), Brahmacharya(Puberty-Maritality), Grihastha(Maritality-Retirement), Vanaprasta(Retirement-SpiritualSurrender), Sanyasa(SpiritualSurrender-PhysicalDeath) & Samadhi(To Eternity).

This post is an attempt to Objectively observe productive, destructive or reproductive partnerships, groups & families and ask 3 most relevant questions related to adulthood and the social practice of Association & Replication (procreation-reproduction) commonly know as ‘marriage’ ( ‘LiveIns’ & Sexual Relationships) ;

1. What do we think are ‘marriages’ ? (Plural intended)

2. What could be the few premarital-factors that highly impact post-marital family-life & future relationships? (Paretos Principle applied to marriages)

3. How to see hidden differences between ‘Safe Marriages’ and ‘Risky Marriages’? (in general ‘healthy-unhealthy Partnerships/relationships)

Improve your MATE score: If there is a must read for Teen-relationships & Pre-Marital awareness anywhere in the real or digital world it may be collected on this page(Plz leave your comments), I have not found this very relevant content anywhere else so creating it here. Feel free to critique, suggest in comments & most importantly share as a pre-marital gift to our highly educated yet Maritally/Morally illiterate and Maritally/Sexually/Relationally vulnerable friends and younger generations.

Intent& Intro: I’m writing this for my brothers (HGP,NP,MK,AR,JTR,VJ(@Blr)+KR,PR(Hyd)and 2dearones who have asked for it & others may surely benefit from the experiential models & resources accrued herein). I intend this article-page also as a tool to aid making Relationship(marital)-decisions in life(useful4 to 18-40yrs) for my sisters (VG,KG,DG@Blr) & (Cousins @Hyd) and Familiatives(/GRP), extended relatives, colleagues, friends & of course my beloved curious G-ders(readers) & more beloved furious G-ritics(Critics). I’m making this inclusive of our friends in all stages of their lives on the spectrum. I acknowledge the extensive gpg’s 121 intellectually deep & emotionally high discussions & debates on this subject with (GajeGowri, GajananK, Nobin, Naveen, Mathn, Hra, Shrthi, Shridhr, SRS, Vani, Mnjsh and many more open-minded & like-hearted souls)

I have a been able to gather valuable perspectives & principles, I shall present here for U-se and materials here are from my personal GRP(Good, Reasonable or Painful-Pleasurable) experiences and knowledge till now(2020). This may have personal biases as an Indian born in the eighties with parents born in the 40-50s & with relatives-friends divided in 3 Linguistically different states. We shall attempt to make it as generic as possible so the ideas and processes shown here can be applicable & beneficial to any human of teenage or marriageble age & families attempting to walk the uncertain path.(henceforth refered as ‘GRPs Uncertainty principle of relativity’ :))

“Marriages may be made in heaven, earth or hell depending on few critical factors here we can tell & some we can spell” -GRP

3 Vital Questions on the Relational/Marital path.

Q1. Relational-Marital: What do you think are marriages?

My Personal Answer: “Marriages are socio-legal constructs & Contracts of various types, deriving from the biological needs of bonding & survival of (Ideas, Individual, Family, community & society) to satisfy the expectations of self, evolution, religion(Ideo-Systems) & imaginations“. Personally I can imagine it being devised in pre-historic age by tribes to formalize the relationship between 2 or more individuals(entities) to integrate the association & relationships within their tribe & lives. Why am I referring to ‘marriages’ and not ‘marriage’ is because we see that each modern urban marriage in India is not simple(Mono-cultural) but complex (multi-in One) (can be classified in many ways, Hindu marriage, Christian marriage, Muslim marriage, inter-class marriage, inter-state/cultural marriage, inter-sectional marriage, inter-X or Intra-Y marriages, good arranged marriages, badly arranged marriages, true Love marriage, false eloped marriage, love cum arranged marriage, fake marriage, Lesbian/Gay marriages(Underground), love jihadi marriage(original motivation is love for their Religious beliefs & material benefits not the others)…etc.

The list being complex & endless, so for our context-study & reference I-GRP propose that we can simplify it on a Safety-Risk Scale/spectrum from two sides.. Right side being..

1.Safe marriages/Relationships‘(High TrustWorthiness, Helps/Benefits More Individuals+Families+Societies). Outcomes of High Morality-Checks & Procedural Standards of match-making.

And left or wrong side being

2. Risky marriages/Relationships'(Low Trustworth, Hurts/Costs to More Individuals+Families+Societies). Outcomes of low or zero morality-checks & Procedural standards.

depending on the understanding of vulnerabilities & risk levels for ‘an individual/pair/family/families/communities‘. Every relationship/group has ‘Unifying factors/forces’ and ‘Disintegrating factors/forces’; a safe relationship/marriage is where main factors are considered & systems address them safely as choices (Tested & Trusted)(Humare gyan aur Vigyan Bharose) in the partnership to get more unifying forces(Good Families, Marital-Systems, Trustworthy-Reliable Idealogies) to empower the relationships towards harmony, while a risky Relationship/marriage is when critical factors are left to chance (Untested & Untrustable)(Astroillogy, Ignorant Parents, Commercial MatchMaking, Dating apps, negative Idealogies, Pandit-Mullah-Pastor ya Bhagawan ke Bharose) where the disintegrating factors/forces disempower the relationship towards chaos/disharmony.

Every relation is dynamic and the strength of it depends on the value created & sustained for ‘it’- the Relational/Marital bond by not only the 2+ parties(Spouses+Families) but also by the extended families & extended circles of influencers and stakeholders. But there are key factors of safety which may be used to predict the Harmonious flow & outcome of the relationships.

A brief history/background of my exposure to this institution: My Paternal-Maternal Grandparents & both my parents had been married (not knowing the Hindu Marriage Act nor the Dowry/DV acts) with total marital experience of 180+ years for the 3 couples. I have read books thoroughly “Concepts of physics by H.C Verma”, but nowhere did we read Concepts of Risk-ics by O.C Marma/Dharma. So this post throws light at the pitch dark corners of society where pits exist & vampires tread.

Lets inspect while Dis-SECTing the phenomenon of marriages & removing any religious socio-cultural or Sectarian connotations. it functionally facilitates interaction & integration through channels of partnership & collaboration between 2 individuals at lower micro level, families as meso- level & communities at a larger macro level.

It is the most critical personal/familial decision (Along with Education & Career Decisions) which affects the future of the budding Marital-family life of not only the individual but also their families, relatives, communities & world as well (eg Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk’s Marriages, SSR’s Live in.) . Ground Realities maybe far from the one shown in movies, TV serials, news media or in personal circles and as subtleties & complexities would not get TRP, viewers or advertising(TRP Scam).

There are critical questions persons who are participating in the marriages (Groom,Bride,Parents,Relatives& marriage facilitators (Religious reps, Registrar etc) need to share among the marriage parties, know-hows, to understand and define for themself and their partners+ stakeholders.

What is the core purpose of marriages & Relationships?

As this is a subject no science or arts or popular academic courses offer(excepting few in humaniTIES(needed in Home Science courses) and there is a serious gap & lack in understanding thereby causing less safe and more ‘risky marriages’ and partnerships to take place. Many are highly educated about ‘safe & unsafe sex'(Thanks to formal & informal Sex Education in media & internet) but only a few might know about ‘safe marriages’ and this attempt here is to make more people aware and alert about knowing the importance of marriage as an important ‘life decision’, as there is less access to courses of ‘Marital/Relational Education or Literacy Programmes‘. This life making gap this article intends to fill.

Marriages are for Socio-legal copulation between two individuals so that the collective can maintain or increase its population and the state, religion or clans can have relevance and sustain life.

You may find many Civil Enginners or Civil Legal Specialists but what you will not find is Civics-Engineers. Who may educate public in this: https://www.wikihow.com/Choose-the-Right-Partner-in-Life

GRPsRelationalRealityCheck1 : Ask yourself and your parents and loved ones the Question#1 also your partners and inlaws to understand their perspectives. Of “What are kinds of marriages happening around?” see where the answers lie on the Naivety-expert spectrum. You will see the in-experienced struggle to answer it, the ill-experienced may answer it in a painful way & the well-experienced answer it in a pleasurable way. All are valid but you may be aware of your biases in the answer.

The married life spectrum between the Crappy2Happy marriages extremes depends on the gap/overlap of your side model of a marriage and the other sides model marriage. The deviation causes ‘Relational Dissonance‘ and more ‘critical commons’ cause ‘Relational Resonance’ within any relationship.

This is a co-creative article. We can collaborate with ur feedback to improve it. I shall acknowledge ur partnering.

IGRP-Observe MARriages can be reMARkable or MAR bright futures. This is a Trial to GRP(GetRightPerspectives) with this article. I invite my Glog readers my dear ‘G-ders’ to write your answer for your understanding of what are ‘marriages’ in your view. And WE shall answer the following 2 questions consequently. Are u aware about ‘Marital Literacy’.? Do share it may help “more Swatch Bharatiya, Swatch Parivars & less Tutch Pari-WARs in our common Indian Futures”. MARRIAGE preparation courses are very less aware or taken in India(Socially Disadvantaged & underdeveloped nation/society).

Coming up.. 2 more questions…

Q2:Relational-Reality : What could be the few premarital-factors that highly impact post-marital family-life & future of relationships? (Paretos Principle in Familial relations)

There are 2 broad category of factors Internal factors & External factors of the individuals impacting the Bi-partisan(Monogamy) or Multipartisan(Polygamy) relationship listed out here.

1. (External ENVIRONMENTAL Factors)(Nurture) A.The Expectations-Models of successful marriages in the persons home (Parents&close Relatives). B. Societal factors around them (Religion, close friends, office colleagues, movies, other influences), communities they are part of and integrated with (Religiosity, Fundamentalist & extremist Idealogies,(Love-Jihad, Dominant Caste/Race-Jihad), politicalLeanings, Neighbhorhood attributes), C. Prior exposure & experiences in regards of romantic, marital(Pre,Post & Extra), & sexual behavioural patterns. D. The magnitude of Critical Gaps/Distances (Spatial, Temporal, Occupational, Cultural, etc)

2. (Internal FACTORS)(Nature) Biological- Genetic Predispositions A. (Gender identity & sexual orientation(Straight,Lesbian,Gay,Bisexual or Asexual) and emotionality) B. (Sexual hormonal levels(Testosterone/Estrogen ratio), C. Medical history (Female(PCOD), Male(ED) & Shemale Reproductive Systems errors, Age Differences(Generation-Gap), Psychological history of trauma and abuse. D. Personality Personal Values & belief(Religiousity) E. Morality(Ethics) Trustworthiness, F. Maturity & awareness level of understanding, G.(IQ,Emo-Q& R.Q RelationalQ, Social/Spiritual Q) scores H. Body-Love languages

Consolidated there are 3 critical things in a marital relationship with high probability of alignment or conflict.

1. Real (Physical/Emotional/Psychological/Moral/Spiritual) Values & needs (Not what is projected out but what is it in reality)(Honey)-Past (Outcomes)(Function of Systemics, Genetics & Education(Moral, Cultural, Spiritual, Sex, Scientific-Humanities-Arts and institutional) and Experiences (Exposures,Environmental & Idealogical)

2. Personal/Familial Financial/Material needs & Earning-spending patterns (Money)-Present (Incomes)(Financial Education-Training) here need to note the principle of ‘Hypergamy‘.

3. Child Expectations, Parenting styles needs & patterns (Progeny)-Future. (Outlook)(Familial & formal education) some may choose being Childfree.

These three critical factors make heavy difference to any familial or Romantic-relationship.

We have TriSynced words for these 3 criteria here:

1.Honey (Valued Essences-Intrinsic)

2.Money (Extrinsic)

3.Progeny (Futuristic)

If we can give one important checkpoint for less risky marriages do find out (Indepth and wide breadth Background verification) the more u know of self and the other party before you marry the better for less surprises and road blocks ahead. where the person/family stands on the Narcissistic-Empathic Spectrum and then decide/choose to have a formal socio-legal relationship, the more narcissistic the ‘SelFamily'(Highly SelfCentered & Selfish-Higher Materialistically engaged(Wealth,Property,Money, power oriented (‘dominate over others/Acquiring4Self/Lower Purposes’ Narc supplies) the higher the risk for the mismatch for normal & empathic families (highly selfless, SocialCentered, Ethical, Moral & spiritually engaged (Wellbeing, Prosperity4all, Harmony, Empowerment oriented (‘Assimilate/Integrate with others’, Acquiring4WiderSelves/ HigherPurposes).

This is highlighted in a wrong relationship choice of a high profile Indian brother: I have detailed here https://grpvcare2dare.design.blog/2020/08/01/the-dangerous-3ns-the-empowering-3-es-which-fight-them-for-us-from-abuse-to-an-awakening/

GRPsRealityCheck2 : ask yourself (parents,Friends, Relatives & life guides or mentors, coach) this MaritalRealityQ2, my experience is you will not find any worthwhile answer not even attempts from the many-majority(80%), few superficial answers from the naive & interested(19%) and more in depth well informed answers only from experienced empaths & HSPs (1%), free thinkers, viewsharers willing to share and care about people & principles including self, you and your life. Check my experience with yours to get & validate your reality. The answer & number of answers u will find for this question will reflect the individuals connected circles position on the Narc-Empath spectrum.. our society & individuals will get gains when in a more empathic environment & more pains when in a less empathetic and more narcissistic/materialistic environment. Our visions are for a world with StrongFamilies (More Functional-Traits less Dysfunctional- or PsuedoFunctional Traits) which help Personal+Social Goals and we have created a group to promote keep “Family First” its called the ‘art of family group’ ur invited to join as a family https://chat.whatsapp.com/HpB9n2RPwBS0J5UMDAMIo8

Q3. What are the differences between ‘Safe Marriage/Partnerships‘ and ‘Risky Marriage/Partnerships‘?

Relational-Reality CheckQ3: Before reading ahead Ask yourself/ and maybe your close ones in family the above question. Expected answers are what do you mean by safe marriage, what risks are there in marriage or more aware ones (Marital experts, Marriage brokers, Counsellors, Police, Legal experts, Social workers etc) may know more deeper reality into it, daily seeing all sides of the coin.

Many of us Indians may know the difference between a love, live-in relationship & arranged marriage, most civilized societies have popular ideas of what’s difference between a successful, troubled & failed marriage/relationship. But what are the differences between ‘safe marriage’, ‘reasonable risk marriage’ & Highly risky marriage deals? There are few critical differences to be understood.

What maybe the personality traits & collectives factors leading to success or failure of relationships? Most are connected with one word its ‘Trustworthiness’ of that relation.

1. Safe Relation/Marriages: Here The ‘risk score’ in the relation is 0-1/5 we may get projected overall ‘Relational/Marital harmony score’ of (7/10-10/10) with median Relational-Compatibility Scores. If we consider a general Normal distribution curve of 10:80:10 ratios we can say 10% of the marriages may fall in this category.

The 3 main components in assessing the safety-risk levels in a marriage are:

1. Internal (Personal & Genetic Factors): The Biological traits (X/YChromosomes) of the persons: both the persons are with healthy genetic lineage where there is no family history of any major medical conditions(Physiological/Psychological). If evaluated both partners would have detailed medical fitness as fit for marriage. (why its important: as blood incompatibility & infertility issues can be addressed before marriage, there are LGBT persons in India who hide their identity as men or women before marriage, terminally Ill (spouse having juvenile Cancer & Aids ailments get hidden pre-marriage), these issues can be addressed if known earlier.

Doing a thorough BG Check or Comrehendive Background verification by self(Group) or third party is the safest step a person/family/community can take to have more low risk & safe marriage in our Society. Here Both parties/Partners have higher R.Q, IQ, EQ, PQ(Political Qutient) & SQ . Know your personal vulnerability index for a minimum of a year before marriage. If you are at a vulnerable point in your life(Recent Break Up, Love Failure, Grief, PTSD etc) do not hurry now as it wud make worry in future. Take Decisions carefully and in consultation from experienced people more so the wellwishers empaths with expertise and exposure to the full spectrum of marriages(Risky to Safe). One experienced person/family is more likely to make an error in judgement compared to multiple persons & families if involved for decision.

2: External (Parental & Familial Factors): If the spouse & parents are both Socially healthy from stable upbringing and the non-dysfunctional family structure is connected balanced well by maternal & paternal relations, if financial inter-dependencies are not there where parents are not on loan or having large legal liabilities (litigant Families) but have balanced assets: both the families are safe to have relationship as it is built on collective good principles and more importantly good moral/ethical characters of relating individuals (Less Negativity (naivety, hurtful black Sheeps/wolves involved) and more Positivity (awareness/ helpful white sheeps /ShepherdDogs around) in both their circles this is highly safe relationship.

3: Systemic Societal factors: 1.The Culture & Class dynamics (Working, Labour, Buisness, Political, artists & Intellectual etc), 2.The statuses Dynamics (Economic, Social(Religion, Caste, Language, Regional,Communal) Geographic location, Geo-political factors, political leanings, inherent biases, rationalizations etc), 3. The Socio-legal frameworks (Hindu Marriage act, Muslim Marriage(Sharia law), Christian etc, Marriage counsellors, DV act, POSH, POCSO etc) 4.Proximity or access to critical information like Medico-Legal history of partners close circles. If both are equally aware, mature, complementary and cooperative to accessing questions/information during the pre-nuptial match fixing phase it’s a good sign for safe marriage. Similar education backgrounds, cultural background, spatial environments, ethical-moral upbringing are positives to reduced risks.

Below are a few resources for Background-Checks or Verification-Validation of GF/BF/Fiancee/ Proposals or Spouses and their circles of influences.

**Pre-Marital Screening BG-Checks** source https://www.satyacheck.com/

2. Reasonable Risk Relation/Marriages: Here the risk score on a Safety-Risk scale is between 2-3/5 to get projected overall ‘R/M Harmony score’ of (6-4/10). Most of marriages may fall in this bracket as 80% as general trend of relationships.

3. Risky Relationship/marriages: Here the risk score on a Safety-Risk scale is between 4-5/5 to get projected overall ‘R/M Harmony score’ of (4-1/10). This is the risky 10% of relationship & marriages people need to be aware and careful about.

1. Internal (Personal & Genetic Factors): Hereditary risk factors eg(If both maternal & paternal lineage have diabetes/ thyroid) so the person has doubled risk of diabetes): If such factors as surgeries, etc are involved its red flags & increases the risk in marriages. If the person is isolated having less of friends and healthy social connections, it’s a red flag sign of broken and sour relationships around caution to be taken of any negative habits or addictions. If good background check is done from multiple sources the risk factors in a family can be collected before engagement. If not it’s a risky marriage deal without proper due diligence. If we analyse deeply we may find either one or both partners having lower levels of R.Q, IQ,EQ,SQ. If the Prospect is a litigant, divorcee or property involved in property litigations beware. High (probe)ability a litigant and gold diggers family, stay away.

2: External (Parental & Familial Factors): If biological parents/ Guardians have exhibited negative history/traits of Aggression and Verbal abuses in public as individuals or group in the past, so it’s highly probable the spouse & inlaws would engage in such a behaviour in future too. The extended family has many high conflict individuals, differences or families has history of litigation(courts, police etc) & power struggles with others around in recent past. Then its a high risk relation/proposal & marriage, be aware do due diligence and do a detailed background check of moral-ethical characteristics of the whole family. Where both the marriage families fall in the Patriarchy-Equiarchy-Matriarchy Spectrum matters to the integration level in the relationship.

3: Systemic Societal factors: There are complementary cultural factors and conflicting cultural factors. If the sum total of these factors are more towards positive cooperation within the relationship then it’s less risk, if the factors edge more towards negative competition within it’s high risk marriage. If the proposal is direct through online matrimonials, dating or incidental meetups, where there is less chances of common analysts(Common Friends/Relatives or good brokers) to do a thorough background check of both parties before finalizing the alliance. Then it’s a high risk marriage.

Conclusion:

In few socially advanced countries there are pre-nuptial trainings & agreements which help in orienting the bride & bridegroom towards having safer marriages as the expectations on both sides are set clearly & the marital contracts-agreements are honoured by all sides ethically & systematically. Which leads to trustworthiness in relations, institution of marriages as well as building a society around principles of Trust, Respect & Love and not on principles of Law breaking, money making & power brokering.

This is what we can see are the differences between a safe and high risk marriage. Looking at failing relations in the society I thought it’s to be seen very importantly for individual & families to know about ‘Safe Marriages/Relations’ and assessing the Compatibility scores between the partnering (Individuals/families/communities) as well as the Safety-Risk Factor to have a projected good Relational-Marital Harmony Score. Basically the correlation is Higher the ‘Holistic Compatibilty Score’ and lower the ‘Overall Risk Score’ the better probability of good ‘Relational Harmony score’ can be Projected/Predicted/Expected.

Being socially aware about various possibilities of relationships & marriages may help one/families in taking good decisions to create more safe marriages & less high risk situations. Especially it’s useful for the vulnerable urban youth who are isolated in nuclear families with weak social bonding may be having less of exposure & knowledge which may be common knowledge to a person who is exposed to many marriages in a well connected/cultured joint collaborative family system & strong bonded communities.

Predictions 2021 onwards the Relational-Marital Games are going to be tougher due to Covid being an added factor, as it may lead to higher risks in population to obesity, PCOD, Erectile Dysfunction & related negative factors which most probably(by Maritally Unintelligent) will not be considered in pre-marital analysis. This is going to increase the probability of more Risky marriages in the future of families. The less Maritally Intelligent or Aware people are, the less chances of safe and successful marriages in the society. ON brighter side if more people are Maritally educated and Intelligent (High R.Q Relational Quotient & M.Q Marital Quotient) both Partners & families) are the safer & better the future is for the relationships to prosper. It’s going to be the survival of the Strong-Aware-st(SeaGull) & near extinction of the weak and dumb(Dodo).

Until here we have qualitatively identified about the factors and the index (R.Q) further studies need to be done to quantify and test the RQ score to be able to use it for better and successful matchmaking.

Indian Parents note: you may go for kundali matching, horoscope compatibility, caste matching, Peru Portham, Gothra seeking etc.. later but first to priority is “Character Matching” what is the character personality who can be adaptable for your child and families future. More than any religion or caste of a person(mode) what matters is how the person and their family’s basic character is cast as personality(made).

Indian youth note: Choosing a life partner is most important choice of your life(Like Education, Career, investments, etc). So consider the choice from as many angle as you can, talk with as many aware well wishers as possible. Unlike other choices of education, job etc it has huge consequences. Be aware.

We wish people have a safe journey, similarly we need to wish people who are going to get hitched May the couples have a “Safe & happy Married Life” : Further Study on how to quantify the relationships.

My proposal is not to have a lower level one time ‘Sexual Education’, but to have a 3-tiered Body-Relationship-Family Education at Primary(6Ys), Middle(10yrs) & high school(12yrs), by the trained School or edu-health dept resource persons.

We may see many videos how to propose to a girl.. or how can girl propose to a boy.. and what about how to choose an ideal spouse & Inlaws?. See this https://youtu.be/p3FL7AdU9Y4

Marriage Compatibility Checks/Test

http://www.humanmetrics.com/relationship-match-test

GPoem on “What Marriage is like..”

Marriage is like a deceitful mirage in the harsh desert for the ones who are maritally illiterate,

Marriage is like a helpful carriage on the lonely road for the ones who are adequately considerate.

Marriage is a sacrilege among people who dont know the sanctity.

Marriage is sacred for people who understand all the complexity.

Marriage is where the age, stage and courage are tested hard.

Marriage is where real characters of persons/families/communities comes outward.

Marriage is a creative force for the societies future.

Marriage creates the families that rupture or nurture.

Marriage is like a bonding between the cogs in a mechano clock.

Marriage needs the clockmakers’ finesse to make things work.

Marriage is a game of hearts, minds, people & environment,

Marriage is a game of chess moves & pieces are impermanent.

Marriage is the foundation on which every culture makes its future.

Marriage is an agreement & opportunity to uphold & raise societies’ socio-spiritual stature.

-Poet(G.R Prasadh) Giving Reasons in Poetry

Answer in conclusion: Those Marriages have more chance of being ‘made in heaven‘ which are formed by choiced (Ideal-making) principles of heaven (Truth, Trust, Godly people, matching respect and more spiritual love rooted in higher agreeable natures leading to safe relational resonance) few eg. (Mohandas-Kasturba Gandhi, Ralph-Dohorthy Kohler, Abhay Charan De(SrilaPrabhupad)-Radharani Datta Devi, Gadadhar-Shardamoni, Gowri-Gajendran, CV Raman-Lokasundari, many uncles and aunts in safe marriages, etc), while marriages have more chance of ending up in hell due to (deal-breaking) principles of Non-Heaven(hell & earth) (Greed over need, Abandonement, Lies, Distrust, Evil people, slander and highly physical-materialistic love rooted in lower disagreeable nature leading to Risky relational Dissonance). Eg. (Brangelina, Ravan-Mandodari, Ram-Sita, Siddartha-Yashodara, Modi-Yashodaben, Einstein-Mileva Maric, Osho and his lovers, many Aunt-Uncles in un-safe & risky marriages. Senior-Pairs etc high probability you know some pairs personally but hesitate to declare to self and others). Ironically it’s only when one sees the problem can one and society heal. If its hidden, history will keep repeating.

One Line Summary: All said and done what matters for any relationship between 2 people-family-InfluencingCommunities is the interaction of Moralo-Cultural characteristics that they both and the system they in embodies.

3 SafeMarital Model 2022: (Indra) Checklist

For Safer Marriages both Spouses should have these basic eligibility norms:

Job/Finance: Vocational diploma/graduation.

training on quality, efficiency, work status report, performance measurement, contracts, employer & employee rights & responsibilities.
Willingness to relocate to different state.

Marriage:
Above + 1 year of work experience

1 year of living in different state
20 hours of social service
Training on Relationship dynamics, family rituals, marital laws, spousal rights & responsibilities.
Medical Tests (Sexual fertility & Diseases(HIV))
Pre nuptial agreement.

Child conception:
Above + training on parental responsibilities & child rights.

Resources shared:

1. Like Science Labs there are Love Labs to experiment with love.

2. https://marriagetrainingnetwork.com

3. https://www.avalonrcdvd.com/

4. https://relationshipabuse-recovery.com/2019/02/brainwashing-technique-learn-how-its-done-so-you-can-undo-it/

5. https://theprint.in/science/the-scientific-argument-for-marrying-outside-your-caste/360975/

6. https://www.shoneekapoor.com/planning-get-married-watch-out/

Further Recommended Readings:

1. Improve you MATE Score: your GATE score matters for your Office, Your MATE scores of you and your spouse’s matters for your home. Check this out a short 20 mins read will impact your 20+ years of life. https://bit.ly/2LDmcS5

3-Marital Tests for Safe Marriages:

1. Biological Tests: https://healthguide.ng/medical-tests-before-marriage/

2. Social Tests: https://www.politicalcompass.org/test

3. Spiritual tests: https://www.marriage.com/advice/marriage-fitness/spiritual-fitness-quiz/

https://www.mendthemarriage.com/welcome/1.php

Further Questioning:

#MannanKiMondays. What can we see are the differences between ‘Safe Relationships/Partnerships’ and ‘Risky Relationships/Partnerships’? #Unasked Questions.

Refer:

Better or Bitter Half: https://grpvcare2dare.design.blog/2021/02/27/better-halves-equal-halves-equitable-halves-bitter-halves/