Relationships Diagnostic Tool
A 0–100 Diagnostic Tool to Measure How Healthy (or Toxic) Your Relationship Really Is
The ENCS gives every relationship a single, brutally honest number between 0 and 100.
– 85–100 → Secure, high-empathy relationship (very rare)
– 70–84 → Mostly healthy with minor fixes needed
– 50–69 → Yellow zone – one partner is draining the other
– 30–49 → Red zone – active narcissistic dynamics
– 0–29 → Toxic trauma bond – leave or get professional help immediately
There are only 20 yes/no questions.
Each “Yes” from the empath side = +5 points
Each “Yes” from the narc side = –5 points
Final score = (Total Empath Yes × 5) + (Total Narc Yes × –5)
### Empath Side (Answer as the person who cares more / gives more / worries more)
1. When you are upset, do they comfort you without making it about themselves?
2. Do they remember small things you like and act on them without being asked?
3. Can you show your worst emotions (cry, rage, panic) and still feel safe with them?
4. Do they admit mistakes and apologise with changed behaviour (not just words)?
5. Do they celebrate your successes even when they are struggling?
6. Do you feel freer to be yourself than with anyone else?
7. Do they keep your secrets and vulnerabilities 100 % safe?
8. When you set a boundary, do they respect it without punishment or sulking?
9. Do they encourage your independence and separate friendships?
10. Do you trust them with your phone, money, or deepest fears without anxiety?
Maximum Empath score: +50
### Narc Side (Be honest – these are the subtle and not-so-subtle red flags)
1. Do they give you intense love-bombing early on, then suddenly go cold?
2. Do they get disproportionately angry or silent when you say “no”?
3. Have they ever rewritten history (“I never said that”) when you confront them?
4. Do they compare you unfavourably to others or their exes?
5. Do they make you feel guilty for having needs?
6. Do they flirt or keep “back-ups” to make you jealous or insecure?
7. When you achieve something, do they downplay it or shift focus to themselves?
8. Have they ever threatened to leave or harm themselves to control you?
9. Do they lie even about small, unnecessary things?
10. After conflicts, do you always end up apologising even when it was their fault?
Maximum Narc penalty: –50
### Quick Scoring Examples
Couple A
Empath answers Yes to 9 → +45
Partner answers Yes to 1 narc question → –5
ENCS = 90 → Extremely healthy
Couple B
Empath answers Yes to 4 → +20
Partner answers Yes to 7 narc questions → –35
ENCS = –15 → Severe narcissistic abuse
Couple C (most common today)
Empath answers Yes to 7 → +35
Partner answers Yes to 5 narc questions → –25
ENCS = 60 → Limping along in the yellow zone; one person is slowly burning out
### Bonus Reality Check (add or subtract directly)
– If physical violence or sexual coercion ever happened → –30 instantly
– If the empath has started having panic attacks, hair loss, or suicidal thoughts because of the relationship → –20
– If both partners scored 8+ on the empath side and 0–1 on the narc side → +10 (mutual secure attachment – almost unicorn level)
This score is not theory. It is the distillation of thousands of recovered empaths and survivors across years of patterns.
Save it. Use it. Share it.
And remember:
Love that requires you to shrink, apologise for existing, or walk on eggshells is not love.
It’s a trauma bond wearing love’s mask.
Your peace is not negotiable.
Your ENCS will tell you, in one number, whether you are building a sanctuary or digging your own grave with a smile.
What’s your score today?
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