S9: Remembering Srimati Ponnachiammal Raman (1917-1967): Son’s memories shared with a grandchild.

Shrimati Ponnachiammal Raman was the eldest daughter with 3 sisters & a younger brother all born in Madras(1917) with relatives and lineage from Ooty(T.N-India). She was a very responsible and caring person. She married at a young age as was the practice of her times.

She had studied till the 8th Standard more than her husband Mr. P.N Raman who could get educated till the middle school only and he had joined work early. The couple had 3 children at Madras and the family of 5 moved to Bangalore in the 40s. She had 5 more children with an interval of 1-2years. She managed the household of 10 members singlehandedly. The Father had a busy job he used to work most of days from 6am to 12pm and with a weekly off seldom taken.

She was a very caring mother to 8 of her children and also a responsible sister to 3 of her younger sisters. So, much so that her sisters too came along to Bangalore to live nearby to them. They used to frequently visit and stay with the elder sisters family. My Father her 3rd son tells a lot about her, as he loved and respected her very dearly. He tells the main reason for him becoming a doctor is due to her encouragement, As once his grandfather had suggested him to take up the work of his father (my grandfather) discontinuing his education but his mother always stoodby him, resolved for him to get well educated. His dedication to her I witness many times, even today on 14th July 2020 when even though he is in his 70s and there is fear of Corona around he enthusiastically rushed out(ofcourse with mask and social precautions) to get her favorite dish Rava Idly at 8am, so as to offer it while remembering her on her rememberance day.

She was a strong opinionated person is what I collect from they way my father remembers her as she was managing the household having no elderly persons or inlaws to guide or support her she held the fort for the family. While she took care of the household chores she also maintained good relations and connected the extended families too. The family had a set of challenges when the kids reached puberty(when the real personality manifest) when they were of the age of marriage, the eldest son was not responsible in supporting the family finances and functioning when the family needed it the most as she had a medical condition while she needed treatment and care. Another major issue was in form of a external person who had taken help of the father/family to get a job who was visiting their home turned out to be a backstabber later eloped with a daughter to Mysore. This was a big blow to the family integrity, later it was resolved by bringing them back and getting them married with no other choice given to the family. (Later its happens the family backstabber abandons the eloping daughter after 2 kids for another woman..History repeats itself (Coincidentally the backstabberS father too had 2 wives and extramarital affairs this was later known to the family), It was also known recently that he was a child abuser too, leaving his history of child abuse repeated by his son who is a living meany creep posing a big risk to the unaware family members). In Life and Societies there will be black sheeps or wolf in sheep’s clothing (Malignant Narcissism) in many places I wish my Grandparents could have spotted the risk from this backstabber earlier and saved their daughter and family from these abusers and frauds. This is one reason behind a group(SAINTs-Grp) to spread Narc awareness to people so they are safe from such malicious personalities.

Another form of challenge came through her sister’s life where she was being tortured by her husband and she took refuge with her and so did her other sister who lost her husband and with 3 young daughters they joined the family unit too. This was the compassion and caring attitude of the grandmother and grandfather that they took as many dearones unconditionally under their wings whoever needed it with an open heart (this was also reflected in the next generation where an abandoned girl child was welcomed into their homes).

Having so many challenges her health deteriorated another big factor is that she used to have an habit of chewing tobacco, this turned out to be her undoing. she was treated at Vellore CMC at a later stage. my father was studying midway of his MBBS when he remembers accompanying her to Vellore. Alas she cared for her kids and families more than her own self she neglected her own health and wellbeing and she breathed her last in 1967. She, her words and her memories survived through her children, her sisters, her relatives and her grandchildren who benefitted from her care and nurturing. Even though I nor my mother were fortunate enough to have seen my grandmother I experience her caring attitude through the reflections in my fathers personality and the open culture of inclusiveness through the relatives who have known and value her. I see her presence through her photograph at our and our relatives homes.

As a personal note to her,

To my dear Grandma-Paati,

I am very grateful to you Patti- grandma, for being a wonderful person, with so much love and care for the family. It’s your and grandpa’s hardwork, encouragement and vision that my father could be a doctor and also my beloved uncles-relatives could be educated and all the extended families reach the level we are at now. I dint get a chance to meet you or get your reprimands directly but I do get it through my Dad, I thank you for all your contributions and guidance for our family. I wish you never chewed tobacco and you might have seen all your grandchildren too, I realised how habits can impact lives and that’s why we created the (Right Habits Group) to share and promote health. You were a main pillar of strength and support for many even my dad and I know he misses you a lot. In the way he says the word ‘Amma’ with so much dedication shows he loves you a lot, he says your blessings are what is keeping him going, you instilled in him the spirituality he values.. Thanks for being a guiding source of inspiration for my dad, me and our big family.

Your dear Grandchild,

Guru Prasad.G

My Patti, My Grandma,

A big flower in a garden grows in sight,

Makes valuable nectar day and night,

Many bees and butterflies take from her,

Like her mother nature she offers all the nurture,

The nearby hives are rich with honey,

The feed breeds the next generation dense,

A young one is told of the flower legendary,

He seeks her but finds a lingering essence.

To know the magnanimity of a flower seperated by time,

He sees in the lives and words his hive echoes as a chime.

-GRP

Helpful linked resources provided as underlined hyperlinks above..